One-on-one · Management · Meetings
How to run a one-on-one meeting your report owns
By T. Krause
A one-on-one should run on the report's agenda, and it stops doing that once the manager fills the list. Here is how to run one, followed through an invented 30-minute meeting between Lena and Max, with a simple count that tells you whose meeting it has become.
To run a one-on-one meeting, keep a private shared agenda that you and your report add to during the week. Start by checking last time's follow-ups, then take your report's topics before your own. Swap feedback in both directions, and finish by writing down who does what before next time.
Whose meeting it is decides how the rest goes. GitLab's public handbook page on 1-1s quotes Andy Grove's High Output Management, a book we haven't read. It says a one-on-one should be regarded as the report's meeting, "with its agenda and tone set by them". The practical advice below comes from that handbook page, which is one company's guidance and doesn't claim to be research.
What GitLab's page gives you to measure
Three lines on this page are things you can check for yourself.
| Check | GitLab's line |
|---|---|
| Whose list is it? | At most half the items from the manager |
| Who talks? | 20% manager, 80% report |
| How often? | At least once a week |
The first is the best one to use. The page says that if the manager "puts more than half of the items on the agenda this is an indication that something is wrong". You can count that in a few seconds.
On frequency, GitLab also asks for at least two live meetings a month, and allows the rest to be written. Our one-on-one template suggests weekly or fortnightly, which is a little looser than GitLab's page. The handbook also quotes Grove saying that the right frequency depends on how experienced a person is at the task at hand. So a new starter on unfamiliar work may need more than an experienced colleague.
A made-up meeting between Lena and Max
Lena manages Max. Both are invented, and so are their work and this conversation. The frames below come from our sample board, and the 30 minutes are our choice.
| Topics from Max | Topics from Lena |
|---|---|
| Workload in November | Feedback from the client call |
| Conference talk idea | Team lead role next year |
Count the list first. Two from Max and two from Lena. That's exactly half, so it just passes GitLab's check. If Lena adds a third topic, she's over. She'd do better to send it as a message or hold it until next week.
| Minutes | Part |
|---|---|
| 3 | Last time's follow-ups |
| 15 | Max's two topics |
| 7 | Lena's two topics |
| 3 | Feedback both ways |
| 2 | New follow-ups |
That makes 30 minutes, with half of the time on Max's list.
Max's topics go first. "Workload in November" gets most of the time, because it's the first thing on his mind. Lena asks what he'd drop if he could only keep two of his projects, and then mostly listens. If she's talking more than a fifth of the time, she's over GitLab's guideline. It's hard to measure in the moment, so a rough way is to ask one question and wait.
"Conference talk idea" is quicker. Max wants to give one and doesn't know if there's money to attend. That gives two follow-ups.
Lena's topics come second. "Feedback from the client call" and "Team lead role next year" are both about Max, and neither should come as a surprise. GitLab's page suggests a separate career discussion once a month. So the team lead note gets one question today, whether Max is interested, and a proper talk at the next career slot.
Feedback goes in writing. There are two notes on the sample.
- Clear status updates
- Ask for help a day earlier
Each is short enough to reread in three months, though both go from Lena to Max. Our template asks for feedback in both directions, so Lena asks one of the questions GitLab suggests, "What can I (your manager) improve on?". Max says he'd like to hear about client calls the same day. She adds a third note, "Tell Max about client calls the same day".
Follow-ups end the meeting. The sample has two, and each has a name.
- Max: draft talk abstract
- Lena: check training budget
GitLab warns that reports "tend to assume that they must do everything added by the manager", and says to make it clear that they can push back. So Lena asks whether the abstract is still worth doing this month, given his workload. If not, it moves.
Next week starts from here. Keep the same board and read these two notes first.
Keep the board private
Written feedback is sensitive. GitLab's page says its agenda document "should not be a public document because performance feedback should be as private as possible". On Prompt Board, a share link works for anyone who has it, so give it only to the other person. If it reaches someone else, press Reset link in the share dialog, and the old link stops working. Keep one board per person, so nobody scrolls past a colleague's notes.
If you've just started working together
Lara Hogan has a useful list of first 1:1 questions. She asks what makes someone grumpy and how she'd know, how they like to get feedback, whether they prefer recognition in public or in private, and what they need from their manager. Her point is to have these answers "WAY before you need them". Put them on the first board and keep them there.
Frequently asked questions
How long should a one-on-one be?
GitLab's page doesn't set a length. Our example uses 30 minutes because that fits four topics. If you often run out of time, meet more often before you make the meeting longer.
What if my report has nothing to talk about?
GitLab lists questions for this, including "Is there anything that needs clarity?" and "What are potential troubles you see for the team". It also suggests people keep the document open during the week, so topics get written down when they come up.
Should a one-on-one include status updates?
We'd keep them short. Status can usually travel in writing, and your report only gets this half hour with you for the things that can't. If a project is in trouble, that's a topic. A daily standup is a better place for routine progress.
Can I cancel when I'm busy?
Move it instead, and say when. We don't have a source for this one. A report who keeps seeing the meeting cancelled will learn that their list comes second.
Set up your first board
Open the one-on-one template, put both names in the title and share it with one person. Ask them to add two topics before you meet. If they want to connect it to their goals, an OKR board gives you something to look at each quarter.